Dave and I have been doing some house hunting this month. We were ready for a change of scenery, so we checked out apartments in Seal Beach, Huntington Beach and another part of Long Beach. Our current landlord made us an attractive renewal offer, so it looks as if we might just stay put. But our search wasn’t all for naught because I learned a few things about real estate in SoCal. I’ve come up with my own definitions for a few terms that you often see in real estate ads.
Steps from the beach: This could mean 8,059 steps. That’s 3.78 miles according to my pedometer, and probably not the average person’s idea of walking distance.
Peek-a-boo view: If you step outside onto the balcony that’s smaller than most bathtubs, stand on a chair, and look through the neighbor’s overgrown tree, you can see the ocean.
Fireplace: The home is equipped with a bright orange ‘70s-era contraption that is capable of producing flames and heat. It looks more like a spaceship than a fireplace and may give off fumes that could kill you in your sleep.
Close to shopping and restaurants: The apartment is down the street from a Chevron station (it has a mini-mart, so it counts as “shopping”), a Del Taco and maybe a donut shop.
Lots of windows: Get ready for high heating and cooling bills.
Spacious studio: Come on! Is there really such a thing as a spacious one-room apartment? It’s what my 7th-grade English teacher called an oxymoron.
On-site laundry: Somewhere on the property (probably somewhere dark, wet and dirty) there is an old, rusty washer that you can use. It’s probably coin-operated and must be shared with others. There is a dryer there, but it never works.
Next year, when I look through ads on Craiglist, I think I'll have a more accurate vision of what's on the market.
Caption: I could see myself having a Christmas party and an 18-foot tree in this room. Dave did not share my festive vision.
Laugh-out-loud funny, and spot on except for one thing....what's wrong with Del Taco?!
ReplyDelete