Seems like half a world away

Have you ever heard of Catalina Island? It's 22 miles off the California coast, but it might as well be 2,200 miles from L.A. For starters, there are very few cars on the island. If you're stuck in a traffic jam there, chances are you're in a line of golf carts.

The hub of activity on the island is the resort town of Avalon. Its most recognizable building is the historic Casino, which was built in 1929. There's no gambling in the building and never has been, but legendary director Cecile B. DeMille and screen legend Charlie Chaplin premiered some of their movies there. The theater was one of the first to show "talkie" pictures. Avalon is full of quaint shops and every restaurant seems to have an incredible view of the Pacific. You can walk just about anywhere in Avalon and never have to worry about being hit by a car. Bicyclists, however, are another matter.

Writer Zane Grey made Catalina Island famous when he shot one of his movies there. He apparently brought some bison to the island for a movie and a few of the animals were left behind. Today, 150 bison roam the island's wildlands. I'll write more about Catalina's wildlands, which are stewarded by the Catalina Island Conservancy, next time.

Caption: Avalon Casino and harbor welcome visitors to Catalina Island. Note: Just beyond the Casino is Descanso Beach, which was rated L.A. County's most polluted beach last year. Can't wait to go there!

Winter sunsets

Enjoy these views of the Pacific, taken at sunset on two February days.

The first was taken from the Huntington Beach pier on a sunny warm day. The second was taken from a ferry between Catalina Island and the Palos Verdes peninsula on a cool, windy day. The difference really shows.

Smog: The hidden fees

It’s almost November, which means my car registration fees are due. It costs $147 to register my car, a 2004 Toyota. That’s not bad, considering my husband pays more than $300 for his vehicle.

Atop my notice was a big STOP sign and “SMOG Certification Required.” Surely my car, which was tested when I moved to California in 2007, did not need such a test. It doesn’t smoke, sputter or make any loud noises when I drive it. But the governor won’t let me renew my registration without such a test.

The DMV letter directed me to “Please take this notice to a SMOG check station.” (I did, but of course forgot said notice.) I took the car in and had it tested for such things as Spark Controls, Fuel Cap Visual, Wiring to Sensors, Fuel Evaporative Controls and Oxygen Sensor, whatever all of that stuff means. They ran the car at 15 mph and 25 mph to check for CO2. Why no faster? Probably because I rarely have the opportunity to drive much faster in the SoCal traffic.

The car passed. My test results said, “Congratulations! Your vehicle passed the enhanced Smog Check inspection, which helps California reach its daily goal of removing an extra 100 tons (!) of smog-forming emissions from the air.”

Of course, the test adds to the cost of registering a vehicle in California. My test was $71.20, which included a Smog Certificate and a fee for transmitting the test results to the DMV. So really, it’s costing me $218.20 to keep my car on the road for the next year. I guess it could be worse.

Walk with the stars

Since 1960, the Walk of Fame has attracted tourists who want to see the stars. About 10 million people visit the 18-block walk annually, and it celebrates its 50^th anniversary this year.

Hollywood business leaders came up with the Walk of Fame idea in the 1950s as a way to beautify and promote the area.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the walk’s plans called for 1,529 of the biggest stars of film, stage, radio, television and music to be immortalized in the concrete using brass set in salmon-colored terrazzo stars surrounded by black backgrounds. As of March 2010, The Times found more than 2,300 stars on the walk, representing 2,100 individuals or organizations.

Anyone can nominate a candidate, but the celebrity must agree to be considered. And if chosen, a star (or their fan club) has to pay a $25,000 fee for the ceremony.

The Walk of Fame has five types of stars. Performers are recognized for work in the fields of motion pictures, television, radio, live performance and recording. There are also 15 so-called special stars awarded to events or companies, including the Apollo moon landing and news organizations such as the L.A. Times and Variety. Believe it or not, there are stars for the Victoria's Secret Angels, granted in 2007, and Absolut Vodka, granted in 2008.

Surprisingly, there are many big names in Hollywood who do not have stars on the Walk of Fame. There are numerous reasons for this. A celebrity must be nominated, selected and agree to the ceremony — in addition to paying for the ceremony. You won’t see stars for Dustin Hoffman, George Clooney (What?), Julia Roberts, Robert Redford, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Michael Douglas, Sean Connery, Angelina Jolie or Denzel Washington. Clint Eastwood doesn't have a star either, but you can see his handprints in the courtyard in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

Gene Autry is the only person to have stars in five fields: film, TV, radio, live performance and music. I just learned that Autry was the original owner of TV station KTLA.

Caption: Michael Jackson’s star is on Hollywood Boulevard near the front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.

Our lobby is better than your lobby

Parts of the building are hopelessly dated, but there are some cool things to see at the Los Angeles Times. One of the highlights is the Globe Lobby, which is off the building's 1st Street entrance. (Of course, this entrance is not open to the public. Sorry.)

The lobby has 10-foot-high murals that were painted in 1935 by Hugo Ballin, who also painted the Griffith Observatory rotunda. It also has an exhibit showcasing the history of The Times. As for the globe, my guess is that it symbolizes the paper's worldwide coverage.

The Globe Lobby is where I met and shook the hand of Barack Obama in 2008.

Another tidbit: The Times building was designed by Gordon B. Kaufmann, the same architect who designed Hoover Dam.

Caption: The Times offers free tours of its downtown L.A. building.

Welcome, summer

Summer has finally arrived in Southern California! After weeks of cloudy and cool mornings and afternoons, the temperatures are higher than 80. Unfortunately, they are much higher than 80: Friday's high in Long Beach was 91 and downtown L.A. was even hotter at 97.

On Saturday, the fourth day of excessive heat, the L.A. Times reported temperatures reached 95 in downtown Los Angeles, 103 in Pomona, 103 in Lancaster and 96 in Anaheim. My thermometer in Long Beach read 88.

People are hitting the beaches to escape the heat. In Seal Beach, there are big crowds and more than six people have been stung by stingrays. The strand there is nicknamed ray bay because the shallow waters are warmed by nearby power plants, attracting thousands of rays. They lurk just below the sand.

Aquarium of the Pacific educators tell guests to shuffle while walking in the water to avoid stepping on a ray. The sting is painful and the only known treatment is to soak the affected foot in hot water.

Caption: Summer is in full swing at Seal Beach.

Surf's up!

Waves were reportedly up to 1o feet in Newport Beach.

The surfing was rough north of the city pier in Huntington Beach.

It's broiling in the eastern half of the country, but we're experiencing cool and cloudy conditions on the West Coast. A storm off New Zealand caused some of the year's biggest waves, which were 8-15 feet in some areas. Orange County's south-facing beaches experienced the highest surf, which was expected to taper off midweek. I took these photos Tuesday afternoon, well after the waves had peaked.

Even the beaches have to make the grade

Heal the Bay, a nonprofit environmental organization, released its annual Beach Report Card this week.

Heal the Bay analysts assigned A to F letter grades to beaches for the dry-weather period from March 2009 through April 2010, based on levels of weekly bacterial pollution. The report, which analyzes monitoring data at 326 beaches in California, gave 76 beaches perfect scores, meaning they never exceeded state bacterial standards for ocean water quality. (None of the beaches I have visited earned a perfect score.)

Seventy-nine percent of Los Angeles County's 86 beaches received A’s or B’s, compared to 70% last year. But the county has continued to dominate on the list of the state's most polluted beaches, with five L.A. County locations ranking among the 10 worst and seven beaches receiving year-round F’s. Orange County as a whole had terrific water quality, with about 97% of beaches scoring A or B. (Translation: Go to the beach in Orange County.)

Here are Heal the Bay’s Top 10 Beach Bummers:

1. Avalon Harbor Beach on Santa Catalina Island (Los Angeles County)
2. Cowell Beach – at the wharf (Santa Cruz County)
3. Cabrillo Beach harborside (San Pedro, Los Angeles County)
4. Poche Beach (San Clemente, Orange County)
5. Santa Monica Municipal Pier (Santa Monica, Los Angeles County)
6. Colorado Lagoon (Long Beach, Los Angeles County)
7. Baker Beach at Lobos Creek (San Francisco County)
8. Capitola Beach -- west of the jetty (Santa Cruz County)
9. Vacation Isle North Cove Beach in Mission Bay (San Diego County)
10. Sunset Boulevard and Pacific Coast Highway at Santa Ynez Drain (Pacific Palisades, Los Angeles County)

My favorite beach, Aliso Creek in Laguna Beach, received an A. My second-favorite beach, Seal Beach, also received an A. Both are in Orange County. (In addition to better water quality, I find the restrooms to be nicer and cleaner and both have plenty of parking.)

The Beach Report Card is a comprehensive evaluation of coastal water quality based on daily and weekly samples taken from sites along the entire coast of California. A poor grade means beachgoers face a higher risk of contracting illnesses such as stomach flu, ear infections, upper respiratory infections and skin rashes than swimmers at cleaner beaches.

This seems like a good time to point out that beginning next year, there is no secured state funding for ongoing testing of ocean water quality, placing public health at risk. (Thanks, Arnold!) If the situation does not improve, more than half of the beach monitoring in the state will stop. Heal the Bay says it will work with state and local governments to ensure that ongoing funding is secured.

You can read the full report at healthebay.org/2010BRC.

Caption: The water is blue and the sand is clean at Aliso Creek Beach in the OC.

An ominous sign

Dave and I arrived at work on Sunday to find a giant inflatable Titanic in front of the L.A. Times building. Given the state of the newspaper industry, it was ironic that a sinking ship be placed in front of what many consider to be a sinking business.

Coincidentally on Monday, the Audit Bureau of Circulations reported that print circulation continues to drop at U.S. newspapers. According to the bureau, average weekday circulation fell 8.7% in the six months that ended March 31 compared with the same period a year earlier. Sunday circulation fell 6.5%.

Circulation at the Los Angeles Times fell 14.7% to 616,606 on weekdays and 7.6% to 941,914 on Sundays. Daily circulation at The Times was over a million 10 years ago.

At the Washington Post, average weekday circulation fell 13.1% to 578,482 and dropped 8.2% to 797,679 on Sundays.

While the declines are sobering, it’s important to note that more and more people are reading the news online. Newspapers remain the leading source of local news and continue to be a trusted information source. Those of us who are lucky enough to still be in the newspaper business remain committed to serving the public and doing quality work.

Caption: Two sinking ships? An inflatable slide shaped like the ill-fated Titanic sits on Spring Street outside the Los Angeles Times. The inflatables and other displays were part of Fiesta Broadway, a huge street party held annually in downtown L.A.

Be prepared

Sunday’s earthquake was the second that I’ve experienced in SoCal, and this one was stronger and longer than the first. I’m not a Boy Scout, but I want to be prepared for an emergency.

When the Red Cross isn’t calling me to ask for blood donations, it apparently does a lot of work educating people on how to prepare for disasters. The organization recommends having an earthquake preparedness pack for your home, office and vehicle. (Yes, that’s three. THREE!) I have a decent pack for our home and have stashed some food and toiletries in my desk at the office.

Today, I put together backpacks for our two vehicles. Are we ready? I don’t know. But here’s the breakdown of what I bought at Target and what it cost.

• Backpack $9.99
• LED flashlight w/ batteries $7.89
• Flashing glow stick $4.99
• Swiss army knife $9.99
• Emergency poncho $1.47
• First aid kit $4.79 (Contains bandages, pain meds, antibacterial spray, Cortaid)
• Germ guard kit $3.98 (Contains masks, gloves, sanitizing gel and spray)
• Wet Ones wipes $0.99
• Renu saline plus contact lenses case $1.47
• Kleenex $0.99
• Wisps toothbrushes $1.99 (Mini brushes made by Colgate. They include the toothpaste. I would have been all over these back when I was a camp counselor!)
• Planters nuts $4.00
• Slim Jims $2.89
• Peanut butter crackers $1.72
• Granola bars $2.50
• Raisins $1.89

Total: $61.54 plus tax

The Red Cross sells packs with three days’ worth of supplies. The packs cost $69.95 but are out of stock. I based my shopping list on the Red Cross list.

Now, I have to go clean out the pantry to make room for a two-week supply of non-perishable food items.

Earthquake!

An earthquake initially reported at a 6.9 magnitude struck at 3:40 p.m. today near Mexicali in Baja California.

Seismologists revised the quake to 7.2 magnitude, making it the largest quake in the region since 1992. It was felt in Santa Barbara, Las Vegas and Phoenix.

U.S. Geological Survey seismologist Lucy Jones said at least 20 million people across the Southwestern United States and Mexico felt the earthquake. She also said that any earthquake has a 5 percent chance of triggering something larger than itself and that people should prepare for aftershocks.

Sure enough, a magnitude 4.1 earthquake hit the Santa Monica Bay 6 miles south of Malibu about two hours later, and scientists say it is connected to the Mexicali temblor.

Information about damage in Mexicali remains sketchy, but photos posted on Twitter show significant damage to buildings and stores. There are no reports of structural damage in Greater Los Angeles.

In our home, pictures swayed on the walls and objects moved across our tables and countertops. The building swayed for about a minute, starting slow with the motion becoming stronger. The elevators in the building automatically shut off after an earthquake, so we’ll be using the stairs for the rest of the day.

Good riddance

The Hump, a Santa Monica restaurant facing federal charges for allegedly serving whale meat, has closed.

"The Hump hopes that by closing its doors, it will help bring awareness to the detrimental effect that illegal whaling has on the preservation of our ocean ecosystems and species," reads the statement on the restaurant's website.

The restaurant served whale meat to the team from the Oscar-winning documentary “The Cove,” whose members visited with hidden cameras. Members collected specimens that were tested and confirmed as being the flesh of a sei (pronounced SAY) whale.

After the New York Times broke the story, the media and protesters swarmed the restaurant, which is located at the Santa Monica Airport.

On March 10, federal officials charged the owner and chef of the restaurant with the illegal sale of whale meat in violation of the Marine Mammal Protection Act, a misdemeanor that carries a maximum penalty of one year in prison and a maximum fine of $200,000.

It is illegal to sell any kind of whale meat in the United States, and sei are listed as endangered. Sei whales are the third-largest baleen whale, behind the blue and fin whales.

The International Whaling Commission banned commercial whaling in 1986 to give the endangered whale populations a chance to recover.

Only in California

I was buying a Diet Coke at my favorite Seal Beach carryout when a photo of Robert Downey Jr. caught my eye. Believe it or not, the photo wasn't on a tabloid. It was on a scratch-off lottery ticket. The California Lottery has a new game that promotes “Sherlock Holmes,” which opens on Christmas Day.

While I was in Pennsylvania in October, I saw scratch-off lottery tickets that promote the Pittsburgh Steelers (I wouldn’t buy one of those; the Steelers’ luck seems to have run out.) and the Philadelphia Eagles. My home state of Ohio has scratch-off tickets tied to almost every holiday. But I have never seen a ticket that pitches a movie.

According to calottery.com, this is a new kind of partnership between the California Lottery and Warner Bros. Pictures. “Sherlock Holmes,” directed by Guy Ritchie (the former Mr. Madonna), stars Downey as the detective and Jude Law as Dr. Watson.

“The Lottery is honored to partner with Warner Bros. Pictures on a game that combines the excitement of the Lottery with the glamour and glitz of a Hollywood blockbuster,” Lottery Director Joan Borucki said. “And by visiting our interactive Web site and entering non-winning tickets, players have the chance to win other great prizes.”

Sherlock Holmes Scratchers give players a crack at cash prizes of up to $15,000. Other prizes include tickets to the Warner Bros. VIP Studio Tour and all kinds of “Sherlock Holmes” swag, such as autographed movie posters and DVDs. The tickets are $2 each.

What did I win? Nothing.

Caption: Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law grace a new California Lottery scratch-off ticket. Who's next? I vote for George Clooney. Photo: California Lottery

It's that time of year

Well, it seems that summer is really over. The beach is empty, the lifeguard huts have been put away, and it's getting dark earlier every day. There's no snow, but the wind seems a bit chillier and people are starting to wear pants and, heaven forbid, coats.

Caption: Seal Beach is deserted at sunset, which is around 5 p.m. these days. That's downtown Long Beach in the distance.

Don't be scared!

It’s October, so it’s Halloween Time at Disneyland! The park is decked out in yellow and orange and there are pumpkins aplenty. There was no sign of Mickey Mouse when I was there on Monday, but I did see Captain Hook, Cruella De Vil, Ursula and the Evil Queen from Snow White. (She was probably promoting the latest release of “Snow White,” now available in a DVD and Blu-Ray combo pack. If you want a single format, you’ll have to wait until Nov. 24.)

Halloween is big business in SoCal, so Disneyland decided to get in on the action in 2006. From the looks of the park, you’d think they’d been doing this for years. As you can see from the photos, the Haunted Mansion was especially impressive. The decorations were inspired by Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and are also used for the park’s Christmas celebration. (By the way, the Christmas celebration leaves Halloween in the dust.) Call me Scrooge, but I think the Haunted Mansion’s original décor is much more appropriate for Halloween. Plus, there’s something special knowing that Walt Disney had a hand in the original.

Speaking of the original, it seems that Disneyland has tweaked It’s A Small World. Disney characters from several animated films are now sprinkled throughout the so-called multi-cultural experience, and I have to say that all stood out like sore thumbs. I wasn’t expecting to see Peter Pan and Wendy in London, and I was even more surprised to see Pinocchio in Italy. I was fuming by the time I saw Lilo and Stitch in Hawaii and Ariel and Flounder in another tropical location.

On one hand, this seems like an easy way for Disney to promote its stable of films. On the other, Disney is tinkering with a classic. When I step into one of the Small World boats, I like knowing that I will see the same attraction that I saw when I was 10. And again when I was 21. And again when I was 27. Enough things change at the Disney parks. (Where is the Country Bear Jamboree?!?!?! Bring back Captain Eo! NOW!!!!) Can’t they leave just one ride for us to experience the way Walt intended? I guess I am a Disney purist.

I seem to be ranting a bit here. The great thing is that Disney now has a forum for its park devotees. You can read up on events at the parks on a new Disney Parks Blog where you can post comments and learn about upcoming events. The Orange County Register an unofficial blog, which has a lot of great “unofficial” information. (Unofficial = better in newspaper jargon) Check out both blogs, especially if you are planning a trip!

Something you don't see every day

Dave and I went out on the Pacific Ocean last week. The water was smooth as glass and about 10 miles off Long Beach, we saw a blue whale diving in the distance. Though we were a couple of miles from it, a whale that size is hard to miss. The boat eventually caught up with the blue whale and a fin whale.

Blue whales are 80-90 feet long in the Northern Hemisphere and can be 100 feet or longer in the Antarctic. Humans nearly hunted the whales to extinction, but the species has recovered slightly since a worldwide whaling ban took effect.

The whales are frequently seen during the summer months off Long Beach, where they feed on krill. Once the krill is gone, the whales move on to their next feeding site. Scientists are still studying the feeding habits. I’m just glad we were lucky enough to see a blue whale this late in the season.

Grey whales will be in the area in late November. They’ll be heading south to feed for the winter and they’ll pass through again in the spring during the trip north.

Caption: A blue whale takes a deep dive in the Pacific Ocean off Long Beach. Note the large container ships in the upper left corner. We weren't far from the Ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach.

A note about climate change

Today I attended a workshop on climate change at Aquarium of the Pacific. It’s a pretty serious topic with consequences for everyone and everything on the planet. But instead of doom and gloom, the message today was about a simple change in terminology.

Apparently a lot of people don’t really understand climate change. Some people think it has to do with the ozone layer and others think it only involves the polar ice caps. It seems that many people are tripped up by the terms greenhouse gas and greenhouse effect. (Dear Al Gore, there are a lot of folks out there who have never seen a greenhouse, let alone understand how one works.) So now the greenhouse effect is out, and the heat-trapping blanket is in.

Here’s how it works:

Human activity (driving, running A/C, burning coal) releases carbon dioxide.

Carbon dioxide builds in the atmosphere, forming a blanket.

Carbon dioxide blanket traps heat, preventing its release from Earth.

Temperatures rise.

Bad things happen, such as polar ice caps melt and sea levels rise.

Everyone can understand how a heat-trapping blanket works. I like it. Well, I like the wordage, not the heat-trapping blanket.

My beef with awards shows

There’s nothing like knowing that there’s an awards show (such as the Emmys) taking place a few miles up the road but not being able to watch it on live TV. The Emmys, Grammys and Oscars all take place in L.A. The ceremonies usually kick off at 5 p.m. so they will air live at 8 p.m. on the East Coast. The shows air in L.A. at 8 p.m.,

When the stage is empty and everything is being discussed all over the Internet. I usually know who the winners and losers are before the show even airs, but of course I can’t see anything unfold as it actually happens.

All of the local news crews are live on the Red Carpet before awards shows. Today, KTLA had live coverage from 3 to 5 p.m., when the celebrities were arriving for the Emmys. E! was also on hand for the arrivals, but started its Red Carpet program for the West Coast at 6 p.m. Had E! aired the arrivals live, I probably would have watched that channel instead.

Right now, when I should be enjoying the second hour of the Emmy telecast, I am looking at Variety’s Twitter feed so I can see the winners in real time. Though I am grateful to have access to the information, I think it is ridiculous that I have to wait another hour to see the telecast.

Now I know why so many people out here have Dish TV. They want the East Coast feed so they can see live programs as they happen! I don’t know what people do if they watch live programs such as “American Idol” and “Dancing With the Stars.”

Most of the TV shows and movies that win awards are created, written, filmed and edited in Hollywood. The ceremonies happen here for a reason and the celebrities come to L.A. to be part of it all. Fans on the West Coast deserve to see awards shows live.

Left holding the bag

Yesterday, I visited a Whole Foods Market. Once I got over my shock from the outrageously high prices, I noticed that there wasn’t a plastic bag in sight. There were two options at checkout: paper or canvas. Plastic bags are becoming more and more rare at stores, especially in Southern California. Up north, I don’t think you’d see them at all.

Plastic bags started showing up at grocery stores in the late 1980s. They’re cheap to produce and are the bag of choice at grocery and convenience stores. These bags are everywhere, probably even crammed into one of your kitchen drawers. I’ve used them to line waste cans, carry my lunch and even stuff my witch hat at Halloween.

But the bags also clog storm drains, litter roadways and float in the ocean. They are deadly snacks for sea turtles and sea lions who mistake the floating bags for jellyfish, a favorite food.

In 2007, San Francisco passed the nation’s first plastic bag ban. City officials there estimate that the ban saves 5 million bags each month. Los Angeles followed suit last year and will ban plastic bags from stores as of July 1, 2010. (If the state of California imposes at 25-cent fee for the bags, L.A. would drop its ban.) Malibu and Manhattan Beach recently passed ordinances banning the bags at all retailers.

L.A. officials estimate that more than 2 billion plastic bags are used in the city each year. In California, about 5 percent of plastic bags and 21 percent of paper bags are recycled, according to the Huffington Post. Organizers are working on a statewide plastic bag ban to reduce litter on beaches and in the ocean.

I’ve seen a lot of bags in places where they should not be. While stopped at a traffic light along Pacific Coast Highway, I saw a seagull trapped by a plastic bag. The bird had pierced the bag with its beak and was unable to remove it. The bag was large enough that the bird couldn’t see or fly. It hopped around madly, trying to free itself. I decided right then and there that I would never use plastic bags again. Any bags that do show up at my home are recycled at the grocery store. I won’t throw them away because they would just wind up in a landfill.

I’ve been using reusable bags for about a year. I have a couple for Target and four for Ralph’s, our grocery store. Ralph’s gives extra reward points for customers who bring their own bags, which cost 99 cents apiece. Target offers no such incentives, but the stores occasionally give away the bags.

I see people using reusable bags almost everywhere I shop. I hope this means that I won’t see any more birds along the road wrestling with plastic bags.

Caption: I keep reusable bags like these in my trunk so I’m always ready to shop.

For rent

Dave and I have been doing some house hunting this month. We were ready for a change of scenery, so we checked out apartments in Seal Beach, Huntington Beach and another part of Long Beach. Our current landlord made us an attractive renewal offer, so it looks as if we might just stay put. But our search wasn’t all for naught because I learned a few things about real estate in SoCal. I’ve come up with my own definitions for a few terms that you often see in real estate ads.

Steps from the beach: This could mean 8,059 steps. That’s 3.78 miles according to my pedometer, and probably not the average person’s idea of walking distance.

Peek-a-boo view: If you step outside onto the balcony that’s smaller than most bathtubs, stand on a chair, and look through the neighbor’s overgrown tree, you can see the ocean.

Fireplace: The home is equipped with a bright orange ‘70s-era contraption that is capable of producing flames and heat. It looks more like a spaceship than a fireplace and may give off fumes that could kill you in your sleep.

Close to shopping and restaurants: The apartment is down the street from a Chevron station (it has a mini-mart, so it counts as “shopping”), a Del Taco and maybe a donut shop.

Lots of windows: Get ready for high heating and cooling bills.

Spacious studio: Come on! Is there really such a thing as a spacious one-room apartment? It’s what my 7^th-grade English teacher called an oxymoron.

On-site laundry: Somewhere on the property (probably somewhere dark, wet and dirty) there is an old, rusty washer that you can use. It’s probably coin-operated and must be shared with others. There is a dryer there, but it never works.

Next year, when I look through ads on Craiglist, I think I'll have a more accurate vision of what's on the market.

Caption: I could see myself having a Christmas party and an 18-foot tree in this room. Dave did not share my festive vision.